I suppose, the story gets more chaotic toward the end, but that is how it currently is in my mind – in the future I will look back with the clarity I am now trying to achieve through integration.
I placed it here because HBWR ( Hawaiian baby woodrose) is my greatest ally – they strengthen the muscles, the gastrointestinal system and the human spirit. Memory has also become more fluid as the relationship has developed.
Someone has a relationship with a drug when they use it often enough. Alcohol used weekly will have an effect on a person. So will the shamanic inebriants (just a point to make for those inexperienced with these things) I originally posted this to the DMT Nexus, a more sympathetic audience aha, guess that’s why it’s in quite an open writing style… ah well.
I feel it is time again to try and bring together my thoughts on my psychedelic experience so far. I feel this way because I have had experiences in the last fortnight which I feel have transformed me beyond words. I feel we could all do with sharing the length and breadth of our full psychedelic experience as it is such a beautiful process – although of course difficult to explain – it’s certainly some of the most novel human activities around. I mean, people write thousands of words in sports sections in newspapers every day, if this is what is happening then we should all surely have books by now, it is unmarked territory. Indeed in the past I have found it difficult to write about due to my imaginings of how someone with no psychedelic experience would interpret the writing. No longer 🙂
My psychedelic explorations only began just over a year ago now and I’m amazed at length to which these plant relationships have shaped me. At the beginning of last year my first ever trip, on morning glory seeds, the day before my 17th birthday immediately showed me there was something to be pursued which no one could have prepared me for.
For completions sake, here’s the report.
During the two weeks after that first trip, when the sun was in Aquarius I was charged with some spiritual energy, you could call it an afterglow – it basically involved realisation upon realisation about life in general, Google searches came to mind which could have never came to mind before, words like “entheogen” were learned. I had always been philosophically inclined to some extent but only ever stretched my mind to the point of agnosticism because not much else seemed great at all. Many of my anxieties and my depression had been replaced with a great understanding of why I had been anxious and depressed – society’s dehumanisation. A new organ had found its way into my being, the entheogen organ.
Those few weeks turned my mood around dramatically and set the tone for my life up until now. Revelations came slowly and by the many but a summary is in need here… the extent to which you can summarise a year is of course questionable but I’ll try to put down the turning points, I’m noticing ones I haven’t before.
I did what I could do with my life given at that time, I continued to carry out my life in the teenage drink/drugs scene whilst experimenting with the morning glories further throughout the year and eventually found Hawaiian Baby Woodrose, Mushrooms and Ayahuasca along the way.
My friends never found as much interest in the plants as I did. By Summer I was frustrated with where I was in life and indeed where humans are in general when they live in such an insane, infected culture where our new god is the economy. I had my first solo-experiences in summer. I would say that the dominance of psychedelic/spiritually related ideas in my mind was increasing exponentially since the first trip. I think it was just a matter of coming to terms with Shamanisms apparent validity.
A few solo HBWR trips around this time were very eye opening. I started to consider Maya as I appeared to resonate and have such a meaningful relationship with these supposedly LSA-containing plants, I say supposedly because of the bizarre difference between morning glory seeds and very fresh high potency HBWR. These trips revolved around my family and other personal issues with brilliant beauty. I’d become an avid listener of Terence McKenna at this point aha, it seems as if the deeper I go into time the more I can understand subtle things in his personality.
As I was writing this, I just had quite a revelation! I’m sorry; I’ve been so electric the past couple of weeks that I have no idea how appealing my writing style is, read on xD.
My parents left the house for a week in August, a week before my first day in my first job… at McDonalds… sigh*. My plan was to have a mixture of events; drinking nights, some new research chemicals perhaps and my first Ayahuasca session with a few friends. In short the plan went to shit & I was drunk every day, slowly and slowly becoming more annoyed at my own lifestyle and friend circle. It ended in a private Ayahuasca session in my parent’s room at the calm-down part of another party. I experienced a death/rebirth experience, was shown my future work at McDonalds and was made more in awe of the mystery.
This trip started off some big dietary changes in me. I started to drink nothing but water, tea and soya milk and tried to eat nothing whatsoever which was bad for my body. Over some time of this I started to realise how much of an effect the diet change had brought about. I started to feel the mild effects from everything I put in my body; it’s as if I became more sensitive to ‘experience’ in general. Cannabis inspired visuals now. It was around this point I started to alienate myself from my friends more – I had been drunk every weekend for at least the past 2 years simply because I had developed a habit, I was sick of being a slave to the happenings which surround me.
My first semester of university started in September as did my hunt for mushrooms. My first day involved a brief walk in the library where I seem to have randomly started picking out books to look at. I happened to find Carl Jung – Man & his Symbols. It seemed worthwhile and it was – Jung inspired me to think of Mans inherently spiritual nature and the unconscious. He helped me to observe unconscious projections and happenings around me also.
Halfway through October I now realise is when the synchronistic nature of things started to stalk me. I had a few small dose mushroom trips before this over the course of the season but this high dose was unbelievable. I had just finished McKenna’s True Hallucinations where he describes the shamanic ecstasy caused by the tremendous nature of the mushroom before I experienced it first-hand. I do not wish to make this retrospective any lengthier than need be. So I’ll say that bizarre synchronicities which I had not experienced before happened, I thought a lot of my father and the philosophers stone and generally added to my enthusiasm for these plants.
About a week later I began using the I-Ching online before ordering the book around the same time. On the Saturday of this week, I had what was immediately afterwards, the most synchronistic experience of my life. This trip involved myself and a friend, it was a truly emotional, magical, profound, prophetic and confusing experience. It was 7 HBWR seeds of a very good strain after a night of extreme alcohol drinking. This is the first time I observed tryptamine-like visuals from HBWR. There is no report online for this, what I have written on it is past 10,000 words and it baffled Jungian psychologists I have emailed with queries. I learned what love was with this trip and my anima was strengthened, this trip gave me a new vitality. This trip put a strong interest in Astrology in me as it is what some of the synchronicities were based around in my thinking. It’s always difficult for me to put this interest across to people but for me it’s the fact that I resonate so frighteningly strongly with the Aquarius archetype, or the collections of human thought through history on what Aquarius means. And it seems that from birth your path travels its way back to you as you walk toward it.
My use of the I-Ching, I believe has helped with the fine tuning into the synchronistic ordering of things; I have not realised until now but looking back really has revealed that the I-Ching has helped shape me as much as psychedelics themselves.
Rolls of the I-Ching harmonised with people I met on trains, this lead me to meet a new friend group and reunite me with a friend who I used to philosophize with at a very young age. Looking back, I see that around this time my head became more clouded. A combination of starting to drink more again and reverting back to a bad diet lead to my health deteriorating and no real advantageous changes until the New Year. Of course though, the whole time was a learning experience and it was a necessary death for this fortnight’s dramatic rebirth… which I suppose will conclude this wee snippet of thought I really have the urge to share in some way.
As I’d imagine it would, the New Year brought about thoughts of change in me. I decided to quit drinking and that didn’t work well. It took me another fall, during my birthday party and my first real bitch slap trip slightly after to wake me up to the fact that I had lost my way. The birthday party involved far too many chemicals, I realised again the pointlessness in it all. It turned out the pointlessness wasn’t truly realised until a trip later that week on what I can only describe as a super-strain of HBWR (95%+ of people get bad HBWR) which I had been using for a few months now.
This trip was a bitch slap… It shocks me that whatever this ‘other’ is, it can and will bitch slap me. I realised how I had defied the I-Ching and had given into negative influence thus caused suffering. That day I had felt quite anxious and offbeat and there was quite a repulsive synchronistic ambience about the lead up to the trip. It showed me the sheer magnitude of the powers I am dealing with. I realised once again that time had just anticipated me – what to think? Utter devotion to the sage was my promise.
The next trip was to become one of greater synchronic will. It was on the 3rd of February and I intend on giving a brief summary here because I haven’t integrated it fully yet. My wisdom teeth had started coming in since around the time of my birthday party (lol word capitalises Microsoft but not birthday, capitalism = humanism? No). I had caught a cold which was mostly just a blocked nose and sinus problems. I had quit smoking tobacco on the 30th, cold turkey from an everyday habit for 3 years and on that day my uncle had called my grandmother to tell her he was going to be affected by the cyclone in Australia. The 3rd (Thursday) was the Aquarian new moon which I had decided would be a good time to trip. Oh yes, my dad had installed air vents in my room that week and on the Thursday he supplied me with things to clear my sinuses.
On the Thursday night during the trip there were hurricane winds in the Hebrides, my windows were moving in and out quite violently and lights were flickering. I am a double Aquarius, a wind sign, during the night of a new moon while the sun is in Aquarius. All the to-do-with-wind/air synchronicities mentioned above were revealed to me during the trip whilst thoughts of Quetzalcoatl went through my head and usual thoughts of Pinchbeck being pretty suspicious. I realised ergot alkaloids to be the exact opposite from alcohol. I could breathe like never before from my recovering lungs. I chanted and basked in the light of the fact that time had anticipated me in such a novel way, it was shamanic ecstasy like I did not imagine these seeds could behold. The power of these things is very real.
I realised many things and continued to through the next day and the next and the next. It had been my second sun-in-Aquarius awakening. It was like the previous year but multiplied to a ridiculous extent. Everything has been slightly more high definition recently, like low doses of DMT ever since and I have been learning at an alarming rate. I have changed more in the last 2 weeks than the last year it seems.
This seems to be getting too long for forums now. The most recent trip was the 11th of February. I received ‘The Mayan Calendar and the transformation of Consciousness’ by Calleman that morning. I had planned to trip that night. After a bit of reading I learnt that it was the 1st day in a 260 day cycle in the Mayan Calendar and I was a 12, rabbit (or star) in the system. The fact that it was the beginning of a new cycle was synchronistic enough. I then had a trip where I thought about Numerology for the first time and realised myself as god because I am 1. I discovered that the use of peppermint tea during an HBWR trip is unbelievably effective, I could probably eat 20 seeds with this method, really aids the digestion.
The next day I was radiant and have been since. My mother and a friend both mentioned it was the Chinese New Year a couple of weeks ago on this day. When I looked it up it turned out it was the 3rd of February, the year of the rabbit. Aquarian new moon, wind synchronicities, year of Rabbit, Rabbit in the Mayan Calendar! The rabbit is apparently the sign of luck, this makes sense when I think of luck as fortune, chance or synchronicity (order in apparent chaos), the fact that I’m a rabbit and this almost shamanic initiatory, synchronistic experience blew me away. And there have been uncountable amounts of these meaningful-coincidences recently which only I can behold!
I’m still integrating, just really needed to share some of what I’ve been through recently with a sympathetic audience. I will never doubt – time anticipates me, what is the other and why has it made me it’s bitch? Actually that’s unfair, I love being its bitch…
Thanks for listening world.
Since recently the ecstatic appraisal of coincidence has subsided and made way for calm of mind. Reflections on past writings are strange as views are always changing.